Are we doing this right?

So the night we decided to journey cdd we decided to go ahead and start.

Now mind you I think I was spanked maybe 4x in my 32 yrs so really I don't know what to expect...  So dh gives me about 4 swats with his belt with my pants on.  Little sting but ok we are trying...

Next we go with pants down and hand over panties... O a little more effective... ( we had decided to do a week of maintenance so we could get old garbage behind us and figure this thing out).. Next time we did pants down and belt!!! OK OK I surrender!!!! Jack Pot that was the goal!!! lol... 

So we did maintenance for a week and dh says we will just use it for discipline no maintenance needed!!! Boy he found out fast that didn't work...  For the next 2 weeks our humble quiet little atmosphere that we had.. Well it slowly dwindled away... Dh was reluctant to go forward with the discipline ( I'm sure other hubbies can understand how hard it was at first.. Everyone is raised not to hit girls)...   As the arguments grew I kept on websites asking for help... I would tell dh he needed to go threw with discipline...

Well one night we had a BLOW UP!!! UGH... I thought we had control of this.. I thought this nightmare was over!!!... Well in the middle of the blow up I just prayed found myself and walked away... (of course I wasn't the only one blowing up but my blow up was the biggest part of it.. US women we do NOT no when to STOP!!!)   Well after the surrender flags went up LT and I talked and we had to go back to the 3x a week maintenance... We talked about his reluctance to discipline me.. I explained to him that him not disciplining me was worse than disciplining me. 

Well we are about  a month or so back into maintenance.. The humbleness and peace is now back into our home!!! Praise GOD!!!..

Dh is working hard at coming threw with the discipline.  There are times I ask why he didn't follow threw but then he does...  He has made and found his own implements so he's getting it...


The funny part is I have learned that when I get frustrated when he doesn't follow threw or do it the way I think he should well I'm kinda defeating the purpose.... Getting upset because things aren't going my way well that's not really surrendering control to him now is it?? 

I suppose that what we didn't bargain for is what a challenge it is for both of us...I think the learning part of it is growing us both closer together.. God has really shown me alot of things about being married and my place in life as a wife... I really wish on my wedding night that my dh would have put me OTK and said "I'm the HOH.. I will ALWAYS have the final say.. I expect certain things from you and if you DO NOT follow thrue with them this is what will happen"... I guarantee had he done that we would have had a very blissful marriage"... But he didn't so here we are and maybe its better this way because we are once again learning life all over again!!!

What a fun Journey, what a wonderful way to enjoy life, Grow closer together and get to know eachother...