Friday, March 30, 2012

Today is our Wedding Anniversary

16yrs ago today I stood in front of friends and family saying "I Do" to Tyler.

We didnt know where the world was going to take us but we could conquer it together.

Well we have conquered it together. It may not have been the easiest roads. There were bumps, hills and even Mountains but were ok climbing it together. I was in love with him then but after 16yrs I think I'm more in love with him now then I was the day we said "I DO."

 I've grown to know His unconditional love. He has given me 3 wonderful children. I couldnt imagine life without him. I couldnt imagine living 16yrs with anyone else. I trust him with my life. I'm happy to have him on this journey of life with me. I cant wait to play with our grandchildren and grow old together.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Confucius Say "What??" Part 2 "Submissive heart?"

So my friend Susie and her Hoh blogged questions and answers. Oneof the questions asked was:

"My wife has a very strong personality. Stronger than mine actually. I want to help her to mellow out some and defer to me but don't want her to feel like she's losing her personality. I read some posts today and see that you tell your wife to be herself. How do you balance allowing her to be herself (my wife says Susie is feisty like she is) and still help her to become more submissive to you?"

The one part of the question that got me was "My wife has a very strong personality. Stronger than mine actually."

I feel like that is Tyler and I as well. I have a very take charge personality and I have often said to my friends " I feel hes not strong enough to take me on" OOO man that is an awful response I know.

Well then Her Hohs answer really got me thinking. His answer was:

 "Susie is as feisty as the little girl in the Verizon Wireless commercials…and has the same issue. I’ve thought quite a bit about it, and what I eventually came up with was this: if she really in her heart wants to be a submissive wife where I am the leader in our marriage, then she is the one that wants to change and tone down some of those feistier characteristics. It is my job to help her round off the sharper edges and channel some of that attitude into areas which help our marriage and our family."

There is more to the answer than that but this was what hit me. Yes I want to be submissive and at times I feel I do all the work but in reality I do NOT. I work on it for a little bit but then i feel when he is not helping me round off those sharper edges then he doesn't care. When i feel he doesn't care I go on fly around like the free bird I am minding my own business getting more mad at him for not helping me but in reality he may have let one thing go and so I think hes isn't trying and so then i don't care.

 So how am I showing him that I want to be a submissive wife and him the leader? The answer is I'm not. I want him to show me that he is the big boss. Why cant i just except that he is in charge so that our marriage and house runs smoother because when I am submissive and do my very best that's when our house runs smoother.

Susie also commented that "He can spank me till the cows come home but it is my responsibility to make the internal changes that better both myself and our marriage.  As we women often say, our submission is a gift that we give our husbands.  It can't be spanked into us"

Wow this is exactly what i wanted him to do spank submission into me.

Wow what was I thinking? I have been on groups and boards etc for almost 2yrs and what have I learned. I have focusedso much on what he wasn't doing and didn't dare to focus on what I was doing.. I am repeating behaviours that I did for 13yrs. Man Tyler is right.

So wow what do I do? Where do I go from here? I feel awful that I've done this to him. I guess Maybe this is a post I should email him and show him. Along with my sincere apologies and I will work on doing so much better. OO Sigh

To Be continued.........................

There was more  to the question and answer of Susie's blog. You really should visit her blog. Her blog has really helped open my mind.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Confucius say "What???"

Ok this is probably the most confusion week of my dd life.. My last post was on how proud Tyler was of me and hes been telling me I been doing good but,
"But what??, you like my butt?"

"Daisy you are going back to what you used to be the last 3 months  you have not been very submissive."

"How can you say that? Just last week you said you were proud of me and I was doing good and now you tell me for 3 months I been bad? You say your not happy? this makes no sense to me at ALL!!!"

"You just do whatever you want at times and I'm not saying its all bad its just you. you dont rub my feet anymore. Your texting more . you dont set close to me anymore."

"Well why do you wait 3 months to tell me this. It isnt fair you cant wait that long and decide things arent ok."

":See theres the problem I can do what I want I'm in charge remember."

"Yes Sir but"

"No buts Daisy you need to straighten up NOW!!"

"I know I been depressed."

"Well now its time to pick your self up and starting acting right. I'm done with your laying around and moping. you have responsibilities to do and I will NOT go back to the way it was before."

"Yes Sir."


You know sometimes I feel like I'm hitting my head up against a brick wall. I dont understand his thinking but heres the funny thing. i probably should've blogged on Tuesday like a friend told me to because as I was writing that out it all made sense to me.

Its soo easy to get into the flow of life and leave the spouse behind.  Tyler and I both work 40 hrs a week. he has more of a 9-5 job where my job can be 4pm to 11pm or 4 am to 11 am or 4 am to 8 or 9 pm... I'm sldo a manger and I'm large and in charge lol.. Plus we have 3 kids that are each usually playing one or 2 sports and none of them are driving yet.

When I'm not a dominant woman and never could be a dom I am a strong willed and independent.. I like to call myself a free bird

when Tyler is inconsistant i start flying farther and farther from the nest until i'm lost and then we have a "Battle Of The Paddle" and he brings me back..

For instance Monday night I got 5 swats with an eraser thing thats like a snake.. You ask "Why did he use that?" Well because its quiet and it was handy lol.. Those 5 swats however lasted a few days.. However he told me Monday night that we were far from done that I needed to learn submission.. He said I cant even stay still and quiet for a spanking.

"Well buster let me spank you and see if you can stay quiet or still". Ok ok I didnt say that outloud..

Anyway I texted him Tuesday morning and told him if he wanted to finish up the spanking tuesday night i would stay quiet and take the spanking. Tuesday came we talked and thats when all the verbs exploded but no spanking. Today is Friday and well No spanking....

He says if I really wanted this dd lifestyle that I would just do it. I do want it but i want his help and sometimes its not there. It feels that hes lazy. hes not a lazy man but in the area of leading he wants me to always do what I'm supposed to and not ever be mouthy and the same for the kids so that he doesnt have to work at it.  Now I'm not bashing him this is just how I feel.

Anyway back to the problem at hand.  My heart is in dd but my heart is also fight or flight. I'm sooo used to taking care of myself. I am the youngest of 6 kids so my parents were older and tired when I came around. i never had consequences and i pretty much took care of them and me. When Tyler and I first got married (Centuries ago it seems) lol I was very clingy and submissive and dependent and he didnt like that. So he changed me

His dad Said "Son quit trying to change her you will be sorry."   If Tyler never listened to anything his dad ever said that should've been the ONE thing he listened to.

Really what i want is for Tyler  to take care of me. NOW I'm not saying Tyler doesnt take care of me he does but maybe I wanna be lazy and let him do all the work!!! OK OK I said it I'm tired of feeling like i do everything. I wanna fall backwards into his arms and let him carry me for a while. He doesnt understand or beleive this. I think he really wants it too and doesnt realize it. He always says he doesnt wanna micro manage me but he does. That is fine but Its more confusion.  One minute he says he doesnt wanna micromanage me just let him know what I'm doing after work etc. next minute he wants me to ask him permission to do everything. I try and ask but i forget.. A friend just ask me "Did you ask Tyler if you could blog?"  "GRRR "No but I had my day planned."

Ooops see I'm just a free bird!!!!    

TO be continued......................................................

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I'm proud he's proud!!!

So 2yrs before  Tyler and i started TTWD our marriage was bad and I did alot of awful things. So As we rekindle our marriage I often wondered would i ever make him proud enough to brag about me again?

The answer is yes Yes I did.

So his co-worker was telling him how he hates his lunch everyday.
Tyler said "well have your wife pack something different."

Co-woker laughed and said "My wife doesnt pack my lunch':

Tyler said "Well mine does."

"She must not work then"

"yes and there is times that she doesnt get home till midnight but she still gets up at 5:30"

"Well my wife is all about womans lib or bla bla"

Tyler said "well my wife would rather be home taking care of the kids and I, She also often says Yes Sir and No Sir to  me"

Co-Worker replied "Well \how many times have you smacked her around?"

Tyler chuckled "I never have."

So as he's telling me this story i said "So did you tell him I just beat her butt on occasion to keep her in line?"

Tyler chuckled.

In that moment i realized he is proud of me and I am doing something right.

I'm still very happyt at this because there are times that I'm not sure if i'm making him happy or not but I guess I am!!!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Battle of The paddle


Well most of the time I'm compliant when it comes to a spanking however there are those times that I'm mad and I dont want a spanking. Well this paticular Saturday I was frustrated.

We dont argue alot since dd but when we do it can get ugly. Mostly my mouth runs and he doesnt always put me otk like he should. Often times the arguments end in him leaving to cool off or me going to sleep. 

This situation happened about a month ago but its still in my head it was very much a good stepping stone for us.

My weekend started off with me working till 11pm Friday night and having to be back at work at 4am Saturday morning.  I didnt go to sleep because I figured i wouldnt wake up. So when i got off work at 1pm on saturday the house was empty and I took a nap.  I was then woke up by my oldest child wanting to go to my moms. Tyler was home at this time and laying in bed beside me.  I told the oldest i was tired ( my mom lives 40 min away)  well being a teenager and not getting his way he stomped off with attitude. Tyler started yelling. My son was mad then Tyler was mad and now I'm irritated.  Being the bright and wise woman I am I butt in and tell them both to just stop it.

OK did I say bright? Yeah maybe not so much.  Tyler told me I needed to watch myself and I proceeded to get up and the kids and i left to go to my moms.  well my daughter ended up staying at my moms and when I got home the  boys left. Tyler and I were talking about earlier issues and I may have gotten a little mouthy ()atleast he said so.  He gets up and says he's tired of this. Well i'm used to him saying that and leaving to cool off.  So i said "Fine just walk out then."

Wrong thing to say  It turns out he wasnt leaving the room. He was grabbing the padddle. Wrong thing for me to say at that given time.

He grabbed the paddle

 I said "NO NO I'm sorry.

"To Late were gonna take care of this".

 The first wack was wayy to much.

"Your swatting harder than  normal"   I moved

"Daisy we will start over every time  you move!!"

"Please use your hand." I begged as I moved and he continued to start over and over  

Well this went on about 5 times;. A few swats and I couldnt take it. I continued to beg for his hand. Finally he got me pinned on the bed and went to town. He was talking about something like I needed to learn discipline in every sense of the word .When he was done i was very sorry and submissive..  He made me stay in that position for about 30 min then i went to sleep..

We talked a few weeks later about the spanking. I Felt he finally took me to that level. He chipped away some of my sassiness and brought out more submission. It was the first time I was really crying after a spanking. It deffinantly showed me who was in charge and that in fact is NOT me!!

Now we did make up a few days later.  or should i say we reconnected because once i'm spanked its all forgiven!!!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Catching up

So Tyler and I made it through the summer andy into the fall...were made it through christmas andy into the New Year...

Ttwd isnt always easy. It seems I push him because I feel ime trying andy he' s not. He thinks I'm not trying so we just play tug a war with this ttwd...

There has been spankings and I think finally after a year and a half he finally grabbed a hold of a piece of my submission in one big chunk...that will be a post called "battle of the paddle"

I have been going through alot over the past few months...I sunk into a depression I couldnt get out of.. All I did was sleep andy work.. I felt I was coming out of it then a friend of mine lost her child andy it hit me like a ton of brinks.  I was grieving hard for my friend.. I think because she has already gone through so much I wanted to take this grief away...

Tyler has been trying hard to be gentle but he can be a not nonsense guy.. I been putting off all the things around me to wallow in this pitty....we had a nice talk which is something we couldnt do for years...I listened he listened andy in the end I realized how much I was hurting him...even though I try to keep it in he can tell....he is so in tune with me that he knows how sick I am, with a cold or something and I dont even realized it'l.a....Funny how tttwd has brought us so close...

Well anyway I'm picking up the pieces.. Ime trying hard to gives it all to God which is all I can do...

So anyway just trying to bring you all up to speed before I start my weekly posting...

That's all for now

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Hey I'm back!!!

Hey everybody Its been almost a year since i post. Life got in the way. I always meant to post and then i never did.

When summer hit baseball was in full swing lol.. I gotta job and dd was not really existant. It was there but no consistant. We were to busy or tired or something.

Then when DD came back well I still meant to post. Here I am though DD is in full swing and has been for a while. Still a little consistant here and there but hes more dominant more take charge so even though he may not spank all the time hes definantly in charge.

Ive been wanting to get back to blogging. I also have been writing and the story site we were gonna put up obviously we never did but i think I've decided to start another blog with my stories in them atleast maybe some short stories.

So since I been wanting to get back into blogging a friend and I were talking and she wants to blog more too. So we challenged eachother to a blog post a week. My hope today is to be able to post a couple of post and get you all caught up to this little life of mine :)