Tuesday, December 7, 2010

This Journey is Challenging

Well I don't know where to start.. I love our lifestyle. I love making him happy.. Sometimes its hard on me.. He has come along way and we are only 3 months in it and I realize hes further than some men  at 3 month who's wife bring them on this journey.  I'm very submissive for the most part ( i think he would agree).. I don't yell. I dont really argue I try to over discuss sometimes but I take hints and looks.. Its not because I'm scared of the spankings (ok a little) but i don want t disappoint him..

I work hard at doing what he asks me to do 
Keep the house descent
Cook more than not but not every night ( I am gone Mon-Thursday for classes)
keep my van clean and don't dirty his car when I use it.
Keeping my van clean is probably like Tammy letting her diet coke freeze but I like the rule it helps me to be a neater person.
Tyler doesn't ask me to do anything he doesn't do so  it all seems fine to me and even if it didn't I would still submit.

Now we are coming to 2 frivolous tasks.. One thing I am supposed to write down everything I spend money on.. Now Last week i did great this week I haven't written anything down since Friday.  I journaled about this Sunday and Monday telling him I don't know why I don't do it. I think the bottom line is this:
I've asked him to ask me nightly if I have written everything down and if I haven't to take care of it that night.
I want the reminder. But he doesn't take it serious to me and I guess I am not either (I know everyone says seems like a easy task well Gotta rebel somewhere right? As I'm not perfect and when your always in a hurry its not easy.. So I journaled on Sunday and Monday about not doing this and that I needed a good reminder. I showed it to him Monday so he could read it before Maintenance..

Well we had maintenance and he added some extra swats for not writing it down but it wasn't what I had in mind (I know not my way HIS way i got it lol). I been having problems that I'm not feeling it much lately afterwards my bottom is tolerating it better I guess. Well he didn't have me pull my pants down I was laying down on the bed and he swatted me with the Blind Rod I felt it threw my sweats and I feel it today but I would've felt more on bare bottom (We always do bare bottom) It just all felt like a joke to him I don't know.

Maybe it is because I'm submissive and he sees the great change in me so this isn't a big deal to him I don't know. I'm not worried to much about it. We will see what happens Friday as I am smoking to much unless I slow wayyy down now I'm gonna smoke to many packs by Friday.  I know its a challenge for us all. I know he worries about hurting me and being to hard on me. I do tell him I want him to be hard as he thinks he should be.

Hes used to the old me that would get mad at him and tell him he's to bossy but that's not me.

I guess If he wasn't worried about these things then he wouldn't be the wonderful HOH that he is. If it didn't bother him to hurt me or upset me than we would have other issues.  I am very much in love with him and no this lifestyle is what we need and want..

Thanks for listening to me go on and on..


  1. Daisy,
    I know that trying to be everything that he wants and needs is really the challenging part. We're married to great guys who deserve the best of the best... and when we fall short of that, the guilt eats us alive. That's where ttwd comes in so handy. We get that reset button pushed, and we get a chance to try again.

    I had almost forgotten about your smoking challenge, as you hadn't mentioned it in a while. I'll tell you right now, this will be the hardest thing you've ever done. You're going to need that reset button a lot more than you ever imagined. When Tyler realizes how desperately important the desire to quit is for you and your family's future, I'm sure he'll step up... possibly more than you want him to. And you'll have one of those, "what was I thinking?" moments.

    It looks like you're doing a lot of thinking about the big picture. I'm glad you've found a home here.


  2. Thanks SugarAnne. Yeah i wanna quit smoking. It's more the money at this point well everything i guess.. He asked me to write things down and he doesnt seem to care. I care more I guess I dont know..Just in a weird mood today.

  3. O and yes SugarAnne i feel at home here. I'm loving getting to know all of you and reading your posts. Lol the hard part is getting everyone straight.. the couples are pretty easy its everyone else lol.