I feel so complicated sometimes. I have lots of insecurities with Tyler and friends.
My insecurities make me build walls. I haven't built walls in a few years especially when it comes to Tyler. It seems lately though as soon as he tells me that he was upset with something I did or it bothered him I instantly put up a wall and feel like a failure.
I do the same with friends. I try and answer text and phone calls right away if I cant I'm working but it rarely happens. When I get used to talking to someone daily then something strange happens I build a wall. I feel like something is wrong. I feel like they are tired of me and I'm too much. I feel like I'm High Maintenance.
I HATE IT
I hate feeling insecure, I hate feeling needy,
Its really hard on me because once I build these walls I look for everything to be wrong. Even though everyone tells me everything is ok I still feel its wrong. Things never seem to go back to normal.
I have too many voices in my head. I guess I want to feel wanted and when I start feeling wanted then I dont feel at all. I dont know. I am not sure what to feel or think anymore.