Saturday, October 5, 2013

Just can't get it right

Either he's getting really strict or I have a big loose mouth. It seems no matter what I say or do lately I'm getting spanked or put in my place. Its not about going a week without getting spanked its more like trying to go a day without getting spanked or put in my place.

I have been reading around and bloggers have had an anniversary. They talk about how much has changed in the last few years since they started TTWD.  It seems for us that things haven't changed alot. Well they did the first 2yrs then the last year has been a struggle, Well the last 6 months have been rough. The closeness is there but my submission is in passing.

I have been trying harder the last few months to do better and be more submissive. Well everything came to a head a few weeks ago when I was late getting home from work and didn't call and tell him. He proceeded to tell me I haven't followed the rules in a long time.

 My answer was "Well you haven't cared or said anything so I been trucking along."

His answer "That stops today, and that's the problem if I don't say anything you just do what you want."

Well Wow he's right he's always said "If you want this in your heart then you would act like it."

Well what I want  is someone to take charge of me and MAKE ME!! OK I said it out loud.(not to him of course)  I"m an alpha lady ok!!  No No I'm not a dom I am just a strong take charge kind of gal. If there is a storm I go in and march right threw the storm and take care of it.

I don't want to be able to step over that line not one bit. Well guess what I think Tyler has realized what I need and what I want. He isn't given me an inch and while its frustrating me its also exactly what I need.

I have also learned that I need to show him more and make him feel more appreciated. I have read around and woman talk about keeping a clean house and making dinner because that's what their Hoh wants.
Well how selfish am I?  I want him to take charge and give me no lead way. He is doing what I want now I realize I need to quit worrying about what I want and do more of what he wants. I guess I've always worried about ME ME ME and not so much about him.

Well I guess we learn something new everyday and as I'm writing this I'm realizing my selfishness. When I started to write this it was going to go a different way but as I was writing I was realizing how my words were being selfish and how I need to change.

Submission is such a challenge but it is a challenge I shall meet to the highest.

This shall be my motto, I will work hard at being Submissive

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