In a nutshell

Well I don't really know where to go with this post.. I guess mostly i will tell what has been going on and review this year.

I think this year has probably been the hardest year in a while. Not the worse or the baddest lol just the hardest..

I've lost a dear friend to murder, a dear friend lost her child, and I lost a friend simply because she decided not to talk to me anymore, not sure why. I guess you either love me or you hate me lol...

I had 2 break downs. the last break down is probably the worse i had and lingered with me the longest...

I changed job locations. Not jobs so much but i stepped down from being an assistant manager to just being me lol.

All 3 kids played baseball and softball up until October. Tyler had Kidney stones then now a toothache that he has to have surgically removed..

I got on meds and went through counselling so I'm doing much better. Its nothing Tyler did or could've done differently, I just took to much on in my life and couldn't take anymore. Funny thing is when this break down happened I didn't even realize it. Everyone was asking "Why do you look so empty?" I guess I was empty..
I've been doing great but there seems to be a day here and there that i fight the world and i guess I win.

I have had some good things go on.. I got to visit one of my best friends and I love her to pieces. Had a wonderful time and miss her lots. I got a new car and I'm in love with it.  My children are healthy and happy and doing good. My husband loves me dearly and I have some amazing friends.. So my world isn't all blah and doom lol...

As for TTWD well I just think we do it here and there lol. I've talked to Tyler about maintenance he says its not for us. I think with everything that has gone on he has had a hard time knowing what to do without being mean (Lack for better word). Because when my friend was murdered she was missing for 2weeks first and that took a toll on me. Then when my friend quit talking to me it was right in the middle of my break down and honestly i think that's what pushed her away. I got to needy and needy is not for everyone. I just think she assumed things...

Well i quit all my groups I was on and since i feel like i had it back together again i was going to start them back up but Tyler said no and ya know what? I think he was right. I'm not ready. I think sometimes I have to high expectations for people because I have a strong belief in friendship.. Kinda like "ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!!!" lol yup that's me.

Tyler says I can go back to groups when I have things here under control like my submission more under control, My duties at home more under control and he thinks I'm ready.. Hmmm My submission under control might take a while.. Lol No I'm learning to let him lead more and more. With buying the car i made a decision but there was another car so the final decision was his but he surprised me and got the one i wanted. That was hard for me..

I definitely think we have grown alot together in the past 2 yrs. I know I'm so in love with Tyler and its amazing. I will hopefully explain more in another blog as to why he doesn't want me on right now and really his reasons are dead on.

Anyway Thank you to those who have E-mailed and prayed for me. Thank you to all who have been here for me. I'm still out here and I lurk occasionally but its hard for me to read some post because Well some of you have the life i want as far as TTWD goes.. That's part of the reason why i cant be on groups...

Well if you  made it this far thank you... I will be fine and hope to blog a little more..